He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
