I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
