3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
