you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Randomize
