What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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