I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
