so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
