Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
