Swine flu. Run for my life!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
