Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
