I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
