Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
