yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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