I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I cannot find my penis.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
