I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
