those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize