if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
