Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize