The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
