i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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