I want to walk on stilts...naked
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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