the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
