At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
