why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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