I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You've changed since you got that strap on
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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