The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
