he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
