How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
