Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
