I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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