why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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