So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
