I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
