i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize