is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
