it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
