people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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