so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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