you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
