so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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