You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
