i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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