Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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