I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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