I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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