she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
