i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
why is half of my head shaved?
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