I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
