somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize