How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
