I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
do nipples grow back?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
