Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
