$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
