so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
