He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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