I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
