Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
