You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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