everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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