I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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