I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize