Where is the hickey?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
