she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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