im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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