If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
