I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
