omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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