I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No subtext here. People are naked.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
