I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
