Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
