i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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