so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
