my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
